TEASER
[OPEN: INT. GARBAGE DUMP – DAY. Two workers, JUAN and BARNEY, are standing around, about to move packed cardboard.]
JUAN: Hey, who's the new guy?
BARNEY: That's not a guy. (turns to female worker, whistles) Hey, baby! (to JUAN) I swear to God, I'd give my left cajone to take her for a spin.
JUAN: Hey, the Lord is not pleased with lustful thoughts, man.
BARNEY: Hey, He put her here. If He wants me to keep it in my pants, tell Him to send me a sign.
[JUAN and BARNEY pull a block of packed cardboard, turning it to its side.]
JUAN: Holy Mary, Mother of God.
BARNEY: (kneeling down) It's the Blessed Virgin. Please forgive me.
[JUAN makes a sign of the cross while BARNEY dials a number on his cell phone.]
JUAN: (into phone) Mama! Llame al padre Fisher, digale que miré la bendita Virgen; aquí en el trabajo. Sí, es un milagro mamá. Es un milagro! [Translation: Call Father Fisher, tell him that I saw the Blessed Virgin; here at work. Yes, it's a miracle, Mom. It's a miracle!]
[CUT TO: INT. GARBAGE DUMP – DAY. Police tape is surrounding the scene. Curious workers are observing. Enter BOOTH, BRENNAN, and CAM.]
BOOTH : All right, let's go everybody. Move back. Hello? FBI. Watch out. Excuse me. Watch out. You folks clear a path, please. (ducks under police tape) Thank you, let's go.
POLICE OFFICER: Folks, I'm gonna ask you to please stay back. This is an active crime scene.
BOOTH: Whoa. (makes a sign of the cross) Oh, my God. It's the Virgin Mary.
CAM: Have you googled the grilled cheese Jesus? 'Cause that was just a faulty griddle.
BRENNAN: We're here because someone suspected a crime, Booth.
BOOTH: Oh, I'm just saying, life is a lot more than what you can cook up in your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.
BRENNAN: Well, religious visions are nothing but pareidolia, random stimulus being perceived as significant.
BOOTH: Oh yeah, did you ever hear of the Shroud of Turin, Dr. Burn-In-Hell?
CAM: Sorry, big guy. That was debunked 20 years ago. Carbon dating doesn't lie.
BRENNAN: Neither does phenolphthalein. (holds up pink cotton pad) This was not a miracle. It's dried blood.
BOOTH: Oh, all right. Let's get this bale of hay down. Come on.
[Two police officers begin moving the packed cardboard.]
BOOTH: All right, here we go. Don't got all day. There you go.
[BOOTH cuts the wiring attaching the cardboard together.]
CAM: All right. Let's do it.
[BOOTH, BRENNAN, and CAM begin moving the cardboard. A few layers down, a dead body is revealed.]
BRENNAN: Careful.
BOOTH: Whoa! Okay. Okay, I'm going to give you this one. Maybe it's not a miracle.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION PLATFORM – DAY. BRENNAN, CAM, and WENDELL are examining the body.]
BRENNAN: The fractures I can see are consistent with the baling machine.
CAM: Based on lack of hemorrhagic tissue, she was dead before ending up on the baler.
BRENNAN: Can we remove her from the cardboard?
CAM: Not until she's completely processed. I don't even know how I'm going to tox her. The cardboard soaked up most of her bodily fluids.
WENDELL: Her blouse looks like it's got patches of glaze on it.
BRENNAN: Could be extruded body fat.
CAM: Ooh, hello, maggots. Maybe Hodgins can use these little devils to give us time of death.
WENDELL: The second joints of the victim's middle toes have been shaved. I think she was tortured.
BRENNAN: (examining the toes) No. The victim had her toes surgically shortened.
WENDELL: On purpose?
CAM: For vanity. Women love shoes.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – BOOTH'S OFFICE – DAY. BRENNAN and BOOTH are speaking to DR. MARCUS SCHEER, the victim's plastic surgeon.]
SCHEER: Like I said on the phone, this is definitely my patient. I remember I threw in a toe tuck for free.
BOOTH: A toe tuck?
SCHEER: What can I say? Toes are the new nose.
BRENNAN: The Board of Plastic Surgeons hasn't approved this for elective surgery.
SCHEER: They haven't condemned it either.
BOOTH: Right, okay. So, who's our girl?
SCHEER: Oh, um, Meriel Mitsakos. She wanted the surgery 'cause she was getting married. Had her eye on a pair of Christian Louboutin sandals, but her middle toes stuck out. I said it was an easy fix.
BOOTH: What, you cut her toe off, so she could fit into a pair of shoes?
BRENNAN: Self-mutilation for an antiquated ritual. It's barbaric.
BOOTH: Well, come on, marriage is very important to a lot of people, Bones.
BRENNAN: It's ridiculous. No one can guarantee how they're going to feel about someone for life. We're not a monogamous species.
BOOTH: Marriage has been around since the beginning of time.
BRENNAN: Women from Amazonian tribes expressed their love by spitting in their partners' faces. I hope we've progressed past that.
BOOTH: Okay, well, you know what? Sometimes love trumps logic.
BRENNAN: Love is a chemical process which causes delusion. An intellectually rigorous person would never get married.
BOOTH: Never say never.
BRENNAN: That's a paradox. It makes no sense.
SCHEER: Am I still needed here? Because if you two are having relationship issues…
BRENNAN: (grimacing) We're not a couple.
BOOTH: We just work together, that's all.
[Uncomfortable looks are exchanged.]
BRENNAN: Merial Mitsakos was murdered.
BOOTH: And as of now, you're the only one we know who's taken a knife to her.
OPENING CREDITS
[CUT TO: FBI BUILDING – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY. BOOTH is asking the victim's fiancé, BOB CAVERLY, and the victim's best friend, GENIE GORMON.]
CAVERLY: Meriel wanted everything to be perfect for our wedding.
BOOTH: Including her feet?
CAVERLY: I told her I loved her just the way she was, but that… that doctor made her… feel like her feet were unsightly. You checked him out, right?
BOOTH: Yeah. He was in Europe at the time of Meriel's murder.
GENIE: Meriel was my oldest friend. I was going to be her maid of honor. She asked me in tenth grade.
BOOTH: Why would Meriel plan a wedding if she didn't have a groom?
GENIE: You had to know her. Meriel got everything that she wanted. And all she ever wanted was to be a bride.
CAVERLY: But don't misunderstand. We loved each other very much.
BOOTH: Listen, Mike, when was the last time you saw her?
CAVERLY: Four days ago. About 2:00. We had a… wedding cake tasting.
BOOTH: I don't want to come off as sounding offensive, but do you think maybe she got cold feet?
CAVERLY: We were in love. All we wanted… was each other.
BOOTH: I'm very sorry for your loss.
GENIE: Just find out who did this to Meriel.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION PLATFORM – DAY. WENDELL is pulling a fluoroscopy machine over the body. Enter ANGELA.]
ANGELA: Where did this come from?
WENDELL: The Egyptology department.
ANGELA: They let you borrow it?
WENDELL: Oh, well, no one was using it.
ANGELA: Tell me you're kidding.
WENDELL: No. I left a note.
[ANGELA chuckles in disbelief.]
WENDELL: Uh, well, Dr. Saroyan won't let me take the victim off the cardboard, and Dr. Brennan's going to kill me if I don't get her complete X-rays, right?
ANGELA: Wendell, you cannot just take a—
WENDELL: Fluoroscopy machine. I've always wanted to use one, and this is the perfect opportunity.
[Enter CAM.]
CAM: I just got a call from Ethan Lawrence in Egyptology. Something about a Post-it note where his fluoroscopy machine used to be.
WENDELL: Oh, um, well, their victims have been dead for thousands of years. There's very little chance of catching the perpetrators. I figured it was a priority thing, right?
CAM: No, really it's more of a firing and arrest thing. Did you really think for one minute—
WENDELL: I found something! Looks important. Very important. Would have gone unnoticed without the, uh, fluoroscopy. (looks at CAM) I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you, Dr. Saroyan?
ANGELA: Oh-ho-ho, he's good.
CAM: Just show me.
[WENDELL zooms in to the pelvic bone.]
CAM: Something embedded in the anterior superior iliac spine.
[CAM uses tweezers to remove something from the body.]
WENDELL: What is it?
CAM: A straight pin.
ANGELA: Right. Dead bride wearing a strapless bra, plus a straight pin. She must have had a bridal gown fitting right before she died.
[CUT TO: SOME BRIDAL PLACE – DAY. Shoppers are checking out bridal gowns. Enter BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
BOOTH: Yeah, well, according to her maid of honor, this is where she ordered her dress.
[Enter LUCIA BERTOLINO, manager of the store. She is pushing a rack of gowns.]
LUCIA: Size six, coming through!
[A hoard of women begins scrambling toward the rack, running into BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
BOOTH: Ow, ow. Ladies, watch the toes. Man, these women are crazy.
BRENNAN: Well, you know how I feel about weddings.
BOOTH: Yeah, what's happening here is definitely not about love.
LUCIA: Hello. (looks BRENNAN up and down) Ah, you're beautiful. (pointing) Your size is on that rack.
BOOTH: Oh, no, we're not looking for a dress.
BRENNAN: No, never. Ever. Ever.
LUCIA: Oh, cold feet. You'll get over it. You two are obviously meant for each other.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN look at each other and chuckle awkwardly.]
BRENNAN: No…
BOOTH: We're, uh, looking for the manager.
LUCIA: I'm Lucia Bertolino. Is there a problem?
BOOTH: I'm Special Agent Seeley Booth. (flashes badge) This here is my partner Dr. Temperance Brennan.
BRENNAN: (points to a bouquet of flowers in a glass case) How are these treated?
LUCIA: We dip them in glycerin. They're free-dried. They last forever.
BOOTH: I'm sure they do. Listen, we're investigating a murder. We believe the victim was here getting a bridal fitting shortly before she was killed. Uh, a Meriel Mitsakos.
LUCIA: Oh. Hard to forget Miss Mitsakos. She had a fight with Anya, our best bridal consultant. She was screaming at her, and calling her incompetent.
BOOTH: Right. Is Anya here today, working?
LUCIA: Actually, I had to let her go. Anya slapped her. Miss Mitsakos threatened to sue. I didn't have a choice.
BOOTH: Did Anya show any other signs of violence?
BRENNAN: Was she dealing with something else in her life?
LUCIA: Oh, this place was her life.
BOOTH: Well, I'm going to need her contact information.
LUCIA: Oh, Anya couldn't kill anyone.
BRENNAN: Well, had she ever slapped anyone before?
LUCIA: (realizing) Let me get it for you.
BOOTH: Thank you.
[Exit LUCIA.]
BOOTH: (reaching for a gown) Oh, come on, Bones, huh? (picks up a gown) You must've dreamt about being a bride before your heart turned to stone.
[A shopper plucks the dress out of BOOTH's hands.]
BRENNAN: Just because I don't want to take part in a meaningless ritual doesn't mean that I'm not a warm and affectionate person. There are even some children who have taken to me.
[BOOTH looks over to see DAISY WICK standing on a platform, trying on a dress. An unknown man is standing in front of her.]
DAISY: Oh, my God, I love it! Isn't it perfect? Do you think it's perfect?!
BOOTH: (to BRENNAN) It's Daisy!
BRENNAN: What?
BOOTH: (grabbing BRENNAN) Turn around. Turn around. That's Daisy Wick. Sweets' girlfriend. Don't look. No, she cannot see us.
BRENNAN: Why?
BOOTH: Why? Because she is buying a wedding dress, and some guy is hugging her.
BRENNAN: She's marrying someone else without telling Sweets? Don't you think he'd be upset about that?
BOOTH: Yeah, of course.
BRENNAN: Well, I like Sweets. We should tell him.
BOOTH: No, no, no. No. No. It's got to be our little secret. Shh.
[Return LUCIA with the information BOOTH had requested.]
LUCIA: Here's Anya's information.
BRENNAN: Oh, thank you.
BOOTH: Thanks.
LUCIA: (picking up a veil off a rack, to BRENNAN) You know, this veil would be perfect for you, dear.
BRENNAN: Oh, well, it's a symbol of virginity, and I've been sexually active since I was—
BOOTH: (interrupting) Okay, Bones, we really have to get going. (to LUCIA) Thank you so much for your help. (guiding BRENNAN away) Come on, this way.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – BREAK ROOM – DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN are discussing SWEETS and DAISY.]
BRENNAN: A woman buys a wedding dress to get married, Booth. You know, if you're such a strict adherent to monogamy, then shouldn't you warn Sweets that he's being cuckolded?
BOOTH: There are complicated emotions that are involved here. It's definitely not your thing.
BRENNAN: It's a matter of honesty.
BOOTH: Bones, just trust me on this one, all right? It's none of our business. It's none of our business.
[Enter SWEETS.]
SWEETS: What's none of your business?
BOOTH: Hi!
SWEETS: Hey.
BOOTH: Hey! We were just discussing our latest case.
SWEETS: The dead bride?
BOOTH: Yeah.
SWEETS: That would be completely your business though, wouldn't it?
BRENNAN: (nodding) Mm-hmm.
BOOTH: No, we were just…
SWEETS: Am I missing something?
BRENNAN: Daisy.
SWEETS: What?
BOOTH: No, crazy. Daisy. You must really miss Daisy.
SWEETS: Yeah, we manage.
BOOTH: Let me ask you a question. Could dealing with crazy brides all day make someone, you know, snap and commit murder?
BRENNAN: No, the bride snapped first. She had a fight with the bridal consultant.
SWEETS: Right. Well, if the bride's physical or emotional needs are not met, yeah, she might act out. Violence is rare though. Infidelity is more common; using some disposable sap as an emotional Band-Aid.
BOOTH: Right.
BRENNAN: Fascinating.
BOOTH: (to BRENNAN) Let's go.
BRENNAN: (to SWEETS) So a woman could be buying her wedding dress with her fiancé, and spending her free time with her lover.
BOOTH: Right, but, uh, physical violence is definitely a possibility, right?
SWEETS: Yeah.
BOOTH: So we gotta get going. Come on, Bones.
SWEETS: It is, but you interrupted Dr. Brennan.
BOOTH: (over BRENNAN's protests, to SWEETS) We have somewhere we have to be. We're late. See you later. Later.
[BRENNAN hands SWEETS her coffee mug. Exit BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN are interrogating ANYA PERTEL.]
ANYA: I worked at Bertolino's for 29 years. No matter what a bride looked like coming in, when I was done with her, she was beautiful. But that one, Miss Mitsakos, ugly from the inside out.
BOOTH: Okay, why don't you just tell us about Meriel.
ANYA: Every time she dropped a pound, she made me adjust that bodice, which would have been fine, but Friday, she decided instead of a drop waist, she wanted a natural waist. She suggested I start from scratch. She insinuated I didn't know what I was doing; that her dress issues were my fault. She pushed me away. Pushed me!
BRENNAN: And then you slapped her?
ANYA: No. I slapped her after she threw the pins at me.
BOOTH: You got fired. You must have been angry.
ANYA: I pride myself on being a gentlewoman. I would rather not talk about this any further.
BOOTH: I understand. Just one more thing. You had Meriel's personal information – her account, address, et cetera. Can you account for your whereabouts the day after you got fired?
ANYA: I know what you're implying, Agent Booth. I was at home. I live alone. But I have spent the last 29 years bringing joy to young women.
BRENNAN: So, no alibi.
ANYA: I am a gentlewoman.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION PLATFORM – DAY. Enter CAM and WENDELL.]
CAM: Hodgins found gravel in her hair, but death by gravel is unlikely.
WENDELL: Time to get her off the cardboard?
CAM: How? She's basically been absorbed into the substrate. We could cut underneath, but that runs the risk of compromising the bones.
WENDELL: We have to scrape her off.
[Enter HODGINS. He approaches the computer.]
HODGINS: Look at this. Tox screen results on the pureed maggots: tequila. The maggots were hammered.
CAM: Which means Meriel was, too.
HODGINS: Yeah, but it gets better. The weird glaze on the vic's clothing wasn't extruded fat. It was glycerin.
WENDELL: According to Dr. Brennan, Bertolino's uses glycerin to preserve bridal bouquets.
CAM: Looks like Bridezilla might have messed with the wrong old lady.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION PLATFORM – DAY. Enter CAM, HODGINS, ANGELA, WENDELL and a lab assistant with a large metal platter.]
WENDELL: I used to work at Anthony's Famous in Georgetown.
HODGINS: Oh, that is some seriously good pizza.
WENDELL: The secret is the crust. It's all in the crust.
CAM: Does this relate to our victim at all?
WENDELL: This is basically how we get the pizzas out of the oven. And every pie was perfect. Everybody ready?
ANGELA: This is so far out of my job description, it's not even funny.
HODGINS: Okay, we are in.
CAM: Mm, she's sticking.
WENDELL: It was always tough getting the pie out. The cheese would bubble over onto the oven and stick. The pie could break apart. I wouldn't serve a pie like that.
CAM: Can we save your war stories for a more appropriate time, Mr. Bray?
WENDELL: Yeah.
CAM: (as she and the team slide the platter between the body and the cardboard) Careful. Careful of the skull.
HODGINS: Okay, perfect.
WENDELL: Now that's something I'd serve.
[CAM and ANGELA shoot WENDELL looks.]
WENDELL: (backtracking) If she were a pizza… which she's not. So-so, I'll-I'll stop now.
HODGINS: Ready?
HODGINS: Carefully. Careful.
WENDELL: Can I remove the flesh?
CAM: Knock yourself out.
[INT. FOUNDING FATHERS BAR AND GRILL – DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN are discussing the case over coffee.]
BRENNAN: So, do you think the bridal consultant killed Meriel?
BOOTH: Not really, but, you know, hey, I've been wrong before.
BRENNAN: You're usually quite certain.
BOOTH: No, that would be you, Bones, okay? (mocking BRENNAN) I'm never getting married.
BRENNAN: You've never married.
BOOTH: Well, I will.
BRENNAN: That's impossible to know.
BOOTH: You know what? Obviously, you have issues with this, so next time we see Sweets, you should bring it up?
BRENNAN: Sweets is having an affair with a woman who's engaged. He's hardly one to give advice.
BOOTH: You know what? You are scared. That's what it is. You're scared of love.
[Enter SWEETS and DAISY.]
SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth. Hey, mind if we join you?
BOOTH: Look at that. It's Sweets and Daisy.
DAISY: Dr. Brennan, it's so good to see you. I want you to know, that even though you fired me twice, I have nothing but warm feelings toward you.
BRENNAN: Then you wouldn't mind if I spoke freely?
DAISY: Of course not.
BOOTH: All right! (rising from his seat) We were just leaving.
BRENNAN: No, we haven't gotten our food yet.
BOOTH: We don't need the food.
DAISY: (sitting in BOOTH's seat) Oh, great!
BOOTH: And she sits.
DAISY: (to BRENNAN) You know, every time I get stuck on my dissertation, I think to myself, "WWBD."
BRENNAN: I have no idea what that means.
DAISY: "What Would Brennan Do?" I mean, it really should be "WWDBD" – "What Would Dr. Brennan
Do?" but that seems unnecessarily formal since I'm only thinking it silently.
SWEETS: (chuckles) Isn't she cute?
BOOTH: (mockingly chuckles) Yeah, she's adorable. (to BRENNAN) Come on.
BRENNAN: Multiple wives is the norm in most of the world. Sweets and Daisy would have no problem if the same were true here.
SWEETS: Beg your pardon?
BOOTH: You see, Bones is just so into the murder of this bride, that the facts just start pouring out.
(to BRENNAN) You would really kick ass on that Millionaire show. Come on.
DAISY: I can only imagine what it would be like to have your brain.
BRENNAN: That's true.
BOOTH: Oh, look at that. Text flying in. We gotta go.
BRENNAN: I don't see a text.
SWEETS: Hey, how about the four us grab some Mongolian barbecue tonight?
DAISY: Oh, I'm busy. I already have plans.
BRENNAN: With whom?
BOOTH: That's none of our business.
DAISY: I have yoga class. (to SWEETS) You don't mind, do you, Lancelot? (grabbing SWEETS' tie) It makes me limber.
BOOTH: Oh, here we go. We really have to get going here. Come on. Come on. Let's go.
SWEETS: Uh, so we can take your table?
BOOTH: Have the food, too.
SWEETS: All right!
DAISY: Wow, they're so nice.
BRENNAN: (to BOOTH, on their way out) If they want a healthy monogamous relationship, they should be forthright and honest.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, that's not the way a relationship is supposed to be.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY. BRENNAN and ANGELA are working with the cardboard.]
ANGELA: Most of the boxes don't have any identifiable markings, but the surface scratches on this one look like they may be handwriting.
BRENNAN: Daisy Wick is having an affair.
ANGELA: Really?
BRENNAN: She's getting married, and she's cuckolding on her fiancé with Dr. Sweets.
ANGELA: Poor Sweets. He loves her.
BRENNAN: Booth doesn't want to tell him. He says it's none of our business.
ANGELA: Exactly.
BRENNAN: But wouldn't it be kind to spare Sweets any emotional pain Miss Wick's infidelity might cause him?
ANGELA: If Sweets is in love with Daisy, and she's cheating on him, somewhere inside he knows. And if he doesn't, then it's because he doesn't want to. Will you hand me that lemon juice?
BRENNAN: I think you are correct.
ANGELA: Good. A person's love life—
BRENNAN: The scratches on the cardboard should take on a higher concentration of lemon juice than the surface area.
ANGELA: You just want to tell him, don't you?
BRENNAN: Sweets says that he's an expert in human psychology. He should be able to handle a problem this common.
ANGELA: Come on, sweetie, be kind.
BRENNAN: Of course.
ANGELA: Look, it looks like we can read the writing on the box. Okay, "Champagne Lounge, 271 Beloit Avenue, Washington, DC."
[CUT TO: INT. CHAMPAGNE LOUNGE – NIGHT. Enter BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
BOOTH: I'll tell you what. You know what, Bones? These bubbles are gonna stain my suit.
BRENNAN: These bubbles are formed using glycerin. Maybe that's how the glycerin got on Meriel's clothes, not the flowers.
BOOTH: Yeah, right.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN approach the BARTENDER.]
BOOTH: Hey, Buddy, over here.
BARTENDER: What can I get you?
BOOTH: Information. You working here Friday night?
BARTENDER: Yeah.
BRENNAN: Do you recognize this woman?
BARTENDER: Oh, wish I didn't. She sent her drink back three times. Dirty martini? Too dirty. Mojito? Too sweet. Vodka on the rocks—
BOOTH: All right. Who was she with?
BARTENDER: I don't know. Some guy.
BRENNAN: Well, her fiancé's about 185 centimeters, rectangular cranial structure, dominant maxillary bone.
BARTENDER: Look, all I remember is that the dude paid for her drinks.
BOOTH: Probably used a credit card, so why don't you go look for those receipts for me?
BARTENDER: Must have served a thousand drinks Friday. When I get a chance, I'll look for it.
BOOTH: You should get the chance soon. Or better yet, why don't you think about it while I go card these two blondes over here.
[The BARTENDER turns back to retrieve receipts.]
BOOTH: Thanks.
BRENNAN: (noticing boxes) What do you do with those boxes?
BARTENDER: Recycling dumpster off the back alley. Why?
[CUT TO: EXT. ALLEY BEHIND CHAMPAGNE LOUNGE – NIGHT. BOOTH and BRENNAN leave the club and enter the back alley.]
BOOTH: All right, well. All right, you know, it always stinks in the back alley, doesn't it? (to a young couple making out against the wall) Come on. Okay, let's go. Break it up. FBI. Come on. Back inside.
All right, no worries. Thank you.
BRENNAN: Pea gravel. (leaning down to pick up a handful) Hodgins can determine if it's a match for what we found in the victim's hair.
BOOTH: Right. (takes out phone and dials) Yeah, Special Agent Booth, 22705. Look, I need a crime scene unit here at 271 Beloit. Back entrance. Thanks.
[BOOTH takes out a flashlight and begins looking around. BRENNAN is scanning the area with a UV light. BOOTH finds a jewel-covered cell phone.]
BOOTH: Oh! Look at that, huh? (leaning down to pick it up) I think I may have found the woman's cell phone. Yeah.
BRENNAN: Booth?
BOOTH: What do you got?
BRENNAN: Come here.
[BOOTH approaches. BRENNAN removes her UV goggles and puts them on BOOTH's face.]
BOOTH: Oh, thanks. (looking down) We got some blood there, huh?
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA'S OFFICE – NIGHT. ANGELA is working on the recovered cell phone. BRENNAN is watching.]
BRENNAN: Booth says that if we can pull the call history, he won't have to subpoena the phone company records.
ANGELA: Yeah, I've heard of that place, the Champagne Lounge. A lot of couples use the alley for a quickie. (about the cell phone) Okay, well, it looks like it's just the battery.
BRENNAN: Maybe she was regretting her decision to limit her sexual activity to one man.
ANGELA: You just can't let it go, can you? (tweaking the cell phone) All right, this ought to do it. All fixed.
BRENNAN: Well done.
[The cell phone rings.]
ANGELA: Oh, my God, she's getting a call. What-what... what do you want me to do?
BRENNAN: Answer it.
ANGELA: Oh, my God. It's Hodgins.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – HALLWAY – DAY. Enter BOOTH, BRENNAN, ANGELA, and HODGINS.]
HODGINS: Okay, this is embarrassing.
BOOTH: Yeah, it's worse than that because your picture just popped up on a dead woman's cell phone.
HODGINS: Because my phone was within 100 yards of hers.
BOOTH: Hey, don't go all squinty on me, okay, Hodgins? I want an explanation.
HODGINS: It's a dating service.
ANGELA: You're using a dating service?
HODGINS: Yes. Along with millions of other people. It's called "Date or Hate?" When a potential match
is within 100 yards, both our cell phones ring. You can either press "date" or "hate." If we both press "date," then we get each other's cell numbers.
BRENNAN: But Meriel was engaged. Why would she be using a dating service?
HODGINS: I don't know. Maybe she forgot to cancel.
BOOTH: Guys, sex. It's a no-brainer.
BRENNAN: Is that your reason? Because weren't you and Angela sexually compatible?
[ANGELA and HODGINS exchange looks.]
HODGINS: It's not about the sex. I was looking for a meaningful connection.
ANGELA: I get it, Jack.
HODGINS: You do?
ANGELA: Yeah.
BOOTH: Hey, guys, dead body, all right? Murder. Did you know the victim before she was a pizza?
HODGINS: No. But she would definitely have many other potential dates. You should talk to the agency. The "Date or Hate?" offices are local.
[HODGINS's phone rings.]
BRENNAN: (looking at the screen) Doesn't she work in the cafeteria?
BOOTH: Ouch. She just pressed "hate." You're out.
HODGINS: (taking phone back) Okay, all right, just...
[CUT TO: INT. DATE OR HATE HEADQUARTERS – DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN meet with the owner of Date or Hate, KURTIS ROSSI.]
ROSSI: We have 8,000 registered users in the DC area, and almost 200 marital success stories.
BOOTH: Well, one of your registered users, a Meriel Mitsakos, was murdered.
[ROSSI appears uncomfortable, sighing deeply.]
BRENNAN: Did you know the victim?
ROSSI: No, but I'm in the process of securing venture capital to take my company national. If this gets out, I could lose my investors.
BOOTH: Right. Well, we're going to have to take a look at Meriel's "Date or Hate?" activity.
ROSSI: Oh, that's private.
BOOTH: Well, she's dead, Mr. Rossi. Or maybe your investors would like the publicity of a court order.
ROSSI: (sighs and turns back to his computer) In the last month, she was matched with 20 potentials. She hit "hate" on 14 of them, "date" on five. She never responded to the last guy – a Jack Hodgins from earlier today.
BRENNAN: When did she last press "date"?
ROSSI: 7:45 p. m. last Friday.
BOOTH: That was the night she was murdered.
BRENNAN: Do you have a name?
ROSSI: Owen Smith. He pressed "date," too.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. BOOTH is interrogating BOB CAVERLY.]
CAVERLY: I don't believe it. There's no way Meriel was cheating on me.
BOOTH: You're sure?
CAVERLY: We were engaged, Agent Booth.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY. SWEETS is taking notes. BRENNAN is standing by.]
BRENNAN: Would you want someone to tell you if your girlfriend was cheating? Or do you favor denial?
SWEETS: No, I mean, I'd know if Daisy were cheating on me, Dr. Brennan. I'm trained to recognize the subtleties of human behavior. So, it's a moot point.
BOOTH: (over speaker, to CAVERLY) You know, I think you found out she was cheating. I mean, she wasn't really discreet.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY.]
BOOTH: (continuing) Using your cell phone to meet other guys. It's understandable that you snapped.
CAVERLY: Are you sure about this list?
BOOTH: Yeah.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY.]
BOOTH: (over speaker, to CAVERLY) That's what makes it so understandable. Where were you the night that she disappeared?
CAVERLY: (over speaker, to BOOTH) Dance class. Genie told me how important that first dance was to Meriel, and I just wanted to be perfect for her.
BRENNAN: (turning to SWEETS) In our sessions, you put a high premium on honesty, don't you, Dr. Sweets?
SWEETS: Of course. You think he's lying?
BRENNAN: Uh, no. I'm talking about you and Daisy. (long pause) She's engaged to be married, and she's sleeping with you behind her fiancé's back.
SWEETS: What? No. You're wrong, Dr. Brennan. That can't be. You're wrong.
BRENNAN: Obviously, you can't read all the psychological subtleties that you think you can. (pause) Booth and I saw her trying on her wedding dress with her fiancé. He hugged her and twirled her around in the air.
SWEETS: That's impossible, Dr. Brennan. I would have known.
BRENNAN: This is denial, right?
SWEETS: No, I mean... (realizing, quietly) Oh, God.
BRENNAN: Booth felt that I shouldn't tell you, that it was none of our business, but I think that now you can make an informed decision. Either share Miss Wick… or move on.
SWEETS: I'm sorry. Could-could you excuse me for a moment. I need-I need a minute to myself.
BRENNAN: Sure. Booth is finished anyway, so…
[Exit BRENNAN.]
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA'S OFFICE – DAY. ANGELA is seated at her desk. CAM and WENDELL are standing behind her, watching.]
WENDELL: I found fractures on the piece of the cranium inconsistent with the compression from the baler.
[ANGELA is flipping through images of the crushed body.]
WENDELL: (pointing) Stop. That's a good one. Dr. Brennan thought we might be able to find the cause of the fracture by reexamining photos of the tissue.
CAM: Isolate her head full frame.
ANGELA: I don't see anything, guys.
WENDELL: We're not looking on the surface, we're looking beneath it.
ANGELA: Okay, well, I need to enhance the details. I can shower the image with various wavelengths of light. Next, I apply the filter software. Finally I blacken the blacks, maximize contrast, and sharpen the focus.
CAM: Perimortem bruising.
ANGELA: That's a tire tread.
WENDELL: She was run over by a car.
CAM: Seems like our victim was flattened before she was flattened.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – BOOTH'S OFFICE – DAY. BOOTH is arranging files. Enter BRENNAN.]
BRENNAN: Hi.
BOOTH: So her fiancé's alibi checks out. He was dancing the night away.
BRENNAN: I told Sweets about Daisy.
BOOTH: (annoyed) Bones, why?
BRENNAN: Well, I felt like I was lying to him by keeping it to myself. How about the others?
BOOTH: Huh? The others? He was dating other people?
BRENNAN: No, the other suspects in Meriel's murder. What about Owen Smith?
BOOTH: The Bureau's doing a background check. Smith, he was using a disposable phone, and his e-mail accounts were cancelled. According to Kurtis, it's a common MO for married men to get a little something-something on the side. Why did you have to tell Sweets? He's going to come in here, he's going to cry and stuff.
[Enter SWEETS. He knocks at the door.]
SWEETS: Excuse me.
BOOTH: (under his breath) Oh, God.
SWEETS: Um, you have a minute?
BRENNAN: Of course.
SWEETS: I was talking to Agent Booth. I'd like a minute alone.
BRENNAN: Sure.
[Exit BRENNAN.]
SWEETS: Well, I'll get right to it. Uh, Dr. Brennan told me that Daisy is engaged to another man.
BOOTH: I'm sorry, Sweets. I…
SWEETS: It's okay, it's okay. Dr. Brennan was being honest. I appreciate it.
BOOTH: (sighs) No, you don't. (getting up) Come on.
SWEETS: I don't! I don't! I feel like an idiot!
BOOTH: Have a seat. Come on.
SWEETS: Daisy, she's been canceling on me all the time lately. Like yoga the other day, and, you know, recently, at night, when she's over, the frequency of our (gesticulating) our intimate relations… she says that she's been tired because of her dissertation.
BOOTH: I get it.
SWEETS: It was right in front of me, right in front of me all along. (sighs) I'm a failure, as a lover and a psychologist.
BOOTH: No, no, it's not true. Sweets, these things, they happen.
SWEETS: Okay, what should I do? I don't have many manly-man friends like you that I can talk to. What would a guy-guy do in this situation?
BOOTH: Are you asking me if you should fight for her?
SWEETS: Do you think I should?
BOOTH: If you were your own patient, what kind of advice would you give yourself?
SWEETS: Impressive. Turn the question back on me. It's a classic therapeutic technique. (beat) It's really, really annoying.
BOOTH: Did it work?
SWEETS: Yeah, I should confront her. I should be candid. You're right. You're right. It's the only way. Thank you.
BOOTH: Any time.
SWEETS: It was very helpful.
BOOTH: The session's over.
SWEETS: (chuckles) Um, hey, you think maybe we could… hug? Like men, of course. It'd be comforting for me—
BOOTH: No.
SWEETS: —under the… No?
BOOTH: No. I don't hug things out. You know, we just kind of (punching SWEETS on the arm) good slug on the arm. It's more of a manly thing to do.
SWEETS: Okay.
BOOTH: Okay.
SWEETS: Sure.
BOOTH: Okay?
SWEETS: Could you do it again?
BOOTH: Sure. (punches SWEETS on the arm, laughs) Want more?
SWEETS: No.
BOOTH: Oh. See ya.
SWEETS: Thank you.
[Exit SWEETS, grimacing in pain.]
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA'S OFFICE – DAY. Enter BRENNAN, ANGELA, and CAM. They approach the Angelator.]
ANGELA: Wendell's data suggests that she was struck by an SUV.
BRENNAN: The patella fractures are several centimeters higher than a standard car bumper.
ANGELA: (to CAM) You didn't find any incised wounds with glass or paint, did you?
CAM: No, why?
ANGELA: I'm just confirming that the victim didn't wrap around the hood, which means that her center of gravity thrust her backward, something like this.
[ANGELA enters variables into the Angelator.]
ANGELA: (to BRENNAN) Hey, uh, whatever happened to your online dating thing?
BRENNAN: I didn't have the time to properly sort through all the potential matches.
CAM: (to ANGELA) You thinking of trying it?
BRENNAN: I think Sweets should sign up.
CAM: Did you really tell Sweets that Daisy was cheating on him?
BRENNAN: Everyone seems to think that I've done something terrible. I didn't want to lie.
CAM: In this case, it was definitely the way to go.
ANGELA: Okay, ladies, It's ready.
[A model forms on the Angelator. A model SUV runs into a model person, sending her flying. The three women flinch.]
ANGELA: In newer model SUVs, the grill protrudes almost as far as the bumper. It's like being hit by a battering ram.
CAM: I thought you said you found tire treads on her head?
ANGELA: No, I'm not finished. Assuming this was done on purpose, the driver backed up to see where his victim had landed. And then, he gunned it.
[The Angelator shows the model SUV running over the model victim's head.]
BRENNAN: The multidirectional fractures on the skull are consistent with a tire's downward vertical force.
CAM: The killer ran her down, and then made sure she was dead by running her over again.
BRENNAN: That is much worse than anything I might have done to Sweets. I'll call Booth.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – HODGIN'S WORKSTATION – DAY. HODGINS is standing in front of a microscope. Enter WENDELL.]
WENDELL: Excuse me, Dr. Hodgins.
HODGINS: Yeah.
WENDELL: I wanted to tell you that I'm going to the Founding Fathers for a drink tonight with some friends. Girlfriends.
HODGINS: Girlfriends.
WENDELL: Yeah. I've got a bunch of friends who are girls and we get together and hang out like we're guys. (pause) It's not as confusing as it sounds. Most of them are single.
HODGINS: (chuckles) Trying to fix me up there, Wendell?
WENDELL: I'm offering you an opportunity to meet some great people.
HODGINS: Who have breasts.
WENDELL: That they do. I think they'd like you.
HODGINS: You don't really know me.
WENDELL: I grew up on the streets, Dr. Hodgins. It doesn't take me long to get a feel for someone. First round's on me.
[CUT TO: EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY. BRENNAN and WENDELL are searching for an SUV matching the given description.]
BRENNAN: Booth got the name of the victim's drinking partner from the bartender at the Champagne Lounge. Joe Fillion. He works in this building.
WENDELL: (pointing) There's another SUV. DC plates, F793A4.
BRENNAN: Those plates are registered to Joe Fillion.
WENDELL: So this guy ran her down, then backed up and ran over her again? That's a bad date. (crouching down next to the SUV) These stains could be blood.
BRENNAN: What was the height of the patella fractures?
WENDELL Uh, 54 centimeters.
BRENNAN: (turning around) Undo my necklace. I need to measure if the point of impact matches.
WENDELL: What happened to your measuring tape?
WENDELL: I don't know. It's missing. There was a Post-it note from the Egyptology Department in its place.
BRENNAN: (measuring) Exactly one and a half lengths high. Consistent with the patellar point of impact.
WENDELL: The victim's skull was crushed by a tire.
BRENNAN: It was the approximate cause of death, yes.
WENDELL: The victim had black hair, right?
BRENNAN: Yes.
[WENDELL picks up hair off the tire with tweezers and shows them to BRENNAN.]
BRENNAN: I think we found the murder weapon.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. BOOTH is questioning JOE FILLION.]
BOOTH: So, were you at the Champagne Lounge to meet women in general or Meriel in particular?
FILLION: No, I was meeting Meriel. Look, there's no secret – her friend Genie knew. I wanted to get my engagement ring back.
BOOTH: You were engaged?
FILLION: Yeah, she broke it off when she met that Mike guy. The ring was my grandmother's.
BOOTH: Did she give the ring back?
FILLION: No. She sold it to pay for her wedding.
BOOTH: She sold your grandmother's ring?
FILLION: Are you kidding me? That's only the half of it. When we were talking, her cell phone rang. It was one of those "Date or Hate?" match thingies. And Meriel presses "date."
BOOTH: Ugh.
FILLION: I mean, can you believe that? She's screwing over her new fiancé, too.
BOOTH: Wow, that must've made you mad, Joe.
FILLION: Yeah.
FILLION: Oh, come on, look, man, you're not going to blame me for this. All right, no, look, she is not going to screw me again!
BOOTH: Whoa, look at that. That is the Lab calling. They tore apart your SUV. Anything you want to tell me before I pick this up?
FILLION: Yeah. (pause) I want a lawyer.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – HALLWAY – DAY. Enter BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
BOOTH: Well, you know, he didn't do it. At least not with that vehicle.
BRENNAN: What about the hair and the blood?
BOOTH: Uh, he hit a dog last week. When he talked about it, he burst out into tears. You know, he was more upset about that than he was about Meriel.
BRENNAN: Well, she lied to him and he hates her for it. Cam thinks that I should've deceived Sweets, too. You know, I don't understand. Our lives are devoted to the pursuit of truth.
BOOTH: Bones, you can't go around telling everybody what's on your mind even though it's the truth. Okay, look, what if you and I were going out, right, and you were, you know, taking forever to get ready and you came out in this dress, and I told you I didn't like it. What are you gonna do?
BRENNAN: I'd reevaluate, change, or ignore you.
BOOTH: Of course you would, Bones, good answer.
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA'S OFFICE – DAY. HODGINS and ANGELA are looking at photos.]
ANGELA: These are the guys that Meriel met on that "Date or Hate?" We're looking for Owen Smith. (finds the photo) Here he is, Owen Smith. Hmm, he looks weird.
HODGINS: Why? The guy looks perfect.
ANGELA: I know, that's what's weird. He doesn't look real, right? Seems too young for plastic surgery, but these wide flaring cheekbones – there's no way that they could coexist with this nasal bridge.
HODGINS: He is real. Owen Smith, her final date. Connected at 7:45 the night she disappeared.
ANGELA: (placing photo down) I don't know…
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – SWEETS'S OFFICE – DAY. SWEETS is pacing. Enter DAISY.]
DAISY: (eagerly approaching) What's so important, Lancelot? You miss me too much?
SWEETS: (solemnly) Please, sit down, Daisy.
DAISY: What's wrong?
[They sit down.]
SWEETS: I've-I've devoted myself to this relationship. I've given you everything. My heart…
DAISY: Are you breaking up with me?
SWEETS: I love you, but I can no longer…
DAISY: You are breaking up with me.
SWEETS: Tears will have no impact on me, Daisy.
DAISY: Why? What have I done?
SWEETS: You're engaged to someone else, for God's sakes! I'm not gonna be your little boy toy because you have a dysfunctional relationship with your fiancé.
DAISY: What?!
SWEETS: All those classes that you go to… You probably don't even take yoga, do you?
DAISY: If I wasn't taking yoga, how could I do a Shirshasana?
SWEETS: What about the wedding dress? Booth and Brennan saw you trying it on at the bridal shop cavorting with your fiancé.
DAISY: Baby, my cousin is out of town. Bertolino's was having their annual sale. We're the same size. It was 50% off, one day only.
SWEETS: Okay, and that man you were with?
DAISY: Her fiancé. Not mine. I love my Lancelot.
SWEETS: Oh, my God. I was so jealous. How could I have doubted you?
DAISY: We're both beautiful people, Lance. I mean, we're bound to get jealous sometimes.
SWEETS: I wish we could run home together right now.
DAISY: (running to lock the door) I can't wait that long.
[They begin undressing and fall to the floor in a passionate frenzy.]
[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA'S OFFICE – DAY. BRENNAN and ANGELA are looking at the computer. Enter HODGINS.]
BRENNAN: I can't believe I didn't see that before.
HODGINS: See what? What are we looking for?
ANGELA: Okay, Owen is a composite of these four other dates. Look, he has Graham Mou's chin, Mel Jensen's eyes, Frank Henley's mouth, and Mickey Jasper's nose and cheekbones.
HODGINS: Someone created the perfect man in order to meet our victim.
BRENNAN: Someone who had access to all these photos.
[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. BOOTH and BRENNAN are questioning KURTIS ROSSI.]
ROSSI: That's insane. Why would I create a fake persona just to meet some girl?
BRENNAN: Because your facial morphology is subpar. Your supraorbital torus is too high and thick, you lack a mental eminence—
BOOTH: Bones? He gets the picture.
ROSSI: This is crazy.
BOOTH: Right, we checked with the DMV. We know that you drive a sport utility vehicle. You see, the forensic team is examining your SUV right now.
ROSSI: (after a long pause) It was an accident.
BRENNAN: Hitting her once might have been an accident, but running over her twice seems very deliberate.
ROSSI: She said she wanted a funny, smart, successful guy. That's me. (pause) I just wanted a chance.
BOOTH: Really, and you thought she'd overlook the fake photo that you put in there, too, huh?
ROSSI: All these beautiful women on my service, but… none of them will look at me. I'm better than half the losers that sign up.
BRENNAN: She laughed you off and you followed her?
ROSSI: No. I was driving down the alley on my way home. She was having a smoke. I rolled down my window to talk, just talk, and she gave me the finger and walked away.
BOOTH: And you ran her down.
BRENNAN: Twice.
ROSSI: I don't know what happened. I'm a nice guy. I'm smart. (long pause) I'm just what she asked for.
[CUT TO: EXT. FOUNDING FATHERS BAR AND GRILL – NIGHT. HODGINS sees WENDELL and his friends through the window and smiles. His phone rings. It's the Date or Hate service; ANGELA's photo pops up. He looks around. Elsewhere, ANGELA's phone also rings. She sees HODGINS's photo. They both place their phones away and continue on. HODGINS enters the Founding Fathers and greets WENDELL and his friends.]
[CUT TO: INT. BOOTH'S APARTMENT – NIGHT. There's a knock at BOOTH's door.]
BRENNAN: (through door) Booth, it's Bones.
BOOTH: Yeah. (opens door) Hi.
BRENNAN: Hey. I should've called.
BOOTH: No, come on in. You kidding me?
BRENNAN: I saw Sweets and Daisy, and I was wrong. She wasn't cheating on him.
BOOTH: Well, that's a good thing, right?
BRENNAN: Well, I wanted to spare him pain, but all I did was cause it. (sits down on the couch)
BOOTH: You meant well.
BRENNAN: I made him so jealous, I almost ruined their relationship. I should've listened to you.
BOOTH: Maybe next time you will. (pause) Hey, I was just gonna go out and grab a bite to eat, some Chinese, maybe some—
BRENNAN: (getting up) I'd rather drink. Do you want one?
BOOTH: Yeah, we could do that. My good bottle of scotch. Bottoms up, Bones.
BRENNAN: You know, intellectually I know that jealousy is absurd. But I see that it's real for people. (looking down) I even experience it myself.
BOOTH: So… (taking a seat) who are you jealous of?
BRENNAN: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.
BOOTH: Why?
BRENNAN: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal. I want to believe that, too.
BOOTH: Hey, you will. I promise. Someday you will. You will someday, okay? You will.
[FADE TO BLACK.]
END
