(Open: A truck driver is pulling into a deserted lot to make a pit stop as his phone rings and he answers it.)
DWIGHT: (into phone) Hey, baby.
SHIRLEY: (on other end of the phone) Where the hell have you been?! You were supposed to call...
DWIGHT: I probably won't be home for another few days.
SHIRLEY: Oh, you making another one of your pit stops? What's her name this time, huh?
DWIGHT: There's no girl.
SHIRLEY: Oh, really?
DWIGHT: I got to get this load to Punxsutawney. Look, Shirl, I got to go.
SHIRLEY: Why?!
DWIGHT: Because I drank a gallon of coffee, and I gotta to go!
SHIRLEY: Oh, really? If I find that...
(He hangs up the phone, parks the truck and runs over to the outhouse while lighting up a cigarette. A few seconds later, the outhouse explodes – sending him flying through the air. When he lands, his pants are on fire and he rolls around to put it out)
(Cut to: Brennan’s Apartment – Hallway. Booth has just arrived, carrying coffee)
BOOTH: Bones, wakey-wakey. Bones? (he keeps hitting the buzzer until she opens the door) Wakey-wakey. Eggs and bakey.
BRENNAN: Do you have any idea what time it is?
BOOTH: 6:30, which is why I brought you this. (he hands her a cup of coffee) Nice, uh, bed head there.
(A man walks out of Brennan’s bedroom in just a towel)
BOOTH: (takes a sip of coffee) Hmm. Whoa!
BRENNAN: Um. (Booth whistles) So, uh, Seeley Booth, Mark Gaffney.
MARK: Hey.
BOOTH: Hey.
BRENNAN: What do you want, Booth?
BOOTH: My partner. Got some pre-breakfast remains for you. (to Mark) You, uh, getting a little chilly there, Mark?
MARK: I think I'll put some clothes on.
BOOTH: Excellent choice.
(Cut to: Booth’s Car. Booth and Brennan are driving to the crime scene)
BRENNAN: It would be good if you called first.
BOOTH: Well, who knew you were even dating?
BRENNAN: Well, I wouldn't call it dating. We occasionally make arrangements to spend time together.
BOOTH: I'm just surprised you're not more picky.
BRENNAN: My relationship with Mark is purely physical, and I am very satisfied with him in that area. Did you see his chest and his thighs?
BOOTH: Bones. What?
BRENNAN: Haven't you chosen someone because they were satisfying sexually?
BOOTH: There has to be more than sex.
BRENNAN: Not really. Our interests and professions do not intersect.
BOOTH: Well, what is he? Bricklayer? You know, truck driver? Tango dancer?
BRENNAN: He is a deep-sea welder.
BOOTH: Wow. I wouldn't even think to put that on the list.
BRENNAN: Well, they work on oil derricks, repair boats. After being at sea for months at a time, he seems to enjoy having a sexual relationship, so...
BOOTH: I'm sure. I am sure. Deep-sea welder.
BRENNAN: He can hold his breath for three minutes down there.
BOOTH: Underwater?
BRENNAN: Of course.
(Cut to: Crime Scene. Booth and Brennan arrive.)
BOOTH: Come on, seriously, who thinks it's a good idea to blow up an outhouse?
BRENNAN: Probably accidental. Assuming a minimum methane level of five percent, a simple spark could trigger the explosion. Of course, that would depend on the level of fecal deposit in the tank.
BOOTH: Okay. Just stop.
BRENNAN: Your aversion to feces is irrational. It's three-quarters water.
BOOTH: Don't mention that to the guy who almost got his ass blown off.
BRENNAN: He survived?
BOOTH: Well, kind of, but he ain't gonna be making any contributions to the gene pool anytime soon.
BRENNAN: If the victim is alive, then why are we here?
BOOTH: Take a look. Go ahead. Yeah.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab – Forensics Platform)
BRENNAN: Gunshot wound to the frontal lobe. Where's my new assistant?
CAM: She's at security getting her ID and badge.
BRENNAN: There's powder residue on the bone indicating that the victim was shot at close range.
SWEETS: These suits are so cool. (makes robot sounds) I am a robot. Sorry.
CAM: Dead for about 72 hours. No lividity on the legs.
SWEETS: Wait. Poop will do that to you in three days?
HODGINS: Actually, it's the fecal coliform bacteria, streptococcus and maggots.
SWEETS: Guy you're looking for has major issues. He deposits the object of his rage in a literal pit of poop. Excrement being the symbol for that which we reject and hate about ourselves. Do we need to take lessons in toilet training issues?
BRENNAN: Front teeth are shattered.
SWEETS: Shot in the head, punched in the face, and dumped in the poop. Whoever did this did not get enough therapy.
BRENNAN: Victim has veneers on the maxillary central and lateral incisors, and there's reshaping of the gum tissue, as well as the underlying bone. (to Cam) Take a look.
CAM: Hmm. Looks like there's something in his throat. (she sticks a pair of tweezers down throat and pulls out a wad of paper.) Looks like a photograph after the decomp and stomach acid got to it.
BRENNAN: He wasn't punched. The killer crammed that down the victim's throat so hard, it broke his teeth.
SWEETS: There's a motive in that. You're gonna want to see what's in that picture.
CAM: I'll call Angela.
(Sweets sneezes, covering the plastic covering of the helmet of the hazmat suit with snot)
HODGINS: Bless you.
SWEETS: Thank you.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab – Hodgins and Daisy Wick are sifting through the feces)
DAISY: Thank you. This is really a lot of feces.
HODGINS: Stop making that face. It's just sewage, Ms. Wick.
DAISY: I realize that.
HODGINS: Six barrels worth.
DAISY: I'm fine.
HODGINS: Good.
DAISY: I just thought for safety's sake, perhaps a hazmat suit...
HODGINS: We got the all clear. No danger, no suit. You got a problem with that?
DAISY: No. No. Um, where's Dr. Brennan? I-I thought I'd be working with Dr. Brennan.
HODGINS: She's with Agent Booth. She asked me to tell her all about how you're doing.
DAISY: Oh. Please tell her that I liked the smell. No pedicle laminae or spinous process means we're not talking vertebral arch, which is cool, 'cause I'm seeing thin lateral borders with small eminences. Makes it one thing and one thing only. A chunk of truck driver coccyx. My work here is done.
HODGINS: Hand it over. (she brings him the tray and he starts examining it) What have we here? It's human hair. Distinct color variations.
DAISY: I'll turn it over to Hair and Fibers. I know Dr. Brennan is a stickler for protocol.
HODGINS: There's no root bulb, which there should be if it was torn out. Cross-section is round, which suggests it's Mongoloid in origin.
DAISY: Wait. Dr. Saroyan determined that the victim is Caucasian. He couldn't have hair that's Mongoloid in origin.
HODGINS: Yeah. Not bad. But he could if he used this keratin glue to stick a wig on his little bald head. Start sifting through the sewage and isolate the strands of hair.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. The group is heading into Angela's Office)
ANGELA: I scanned the skull, and I factored in age and build.
DAISY: I found the toupee.
HODGINS: They know, Ms. Wick.
DAISY: I-I wasn't sure if you'd mentioned it.
CAM: He didn't have to. You did everything but hire a skywriter. (to Angela) Have you gotten anywhere with the picture we pulled from his throat?
ANGELA: No, not yet. I'm, um-how can I put this-depoopifying the fragments now to piece together some kind of image.
HODGINS: He looks familiar.
ANGELA: Let me add the fatty tissue and his new, expensive teeth. Hmm, he does look familiar.
HODGINS: Put on his toupee?
DAISY: Which I found.
ANGELA: Oh, my God.
HODGINS: That's why he looks familiar.
CAM: What?
(Angela pulls the “Busted By Bill” website on the computer.)
VOICEOVER GUY ON SITE: Be careful. If you cheat on your wife, you just might get Busted By Bill.
(video plays)
WOMAN (on video): Look, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and when I come back...
ANGELA: Okay, that girl's the bait they use to lure the cheaters.
(On the video, the guys starts taking his pants off as a group of people bust through the door)
JOSEPH: (on video) Wait. What is this?
(cut back to video)
VERONICA: Swing around. Get the wife.
WIFE: You son of a bitch!
BILL: Joseph Marilla, I'm Bill O'Roarke, and you've been Busted By Bill.
JOSEPH: Wait. No! My back hurt. I thought she was a masseuse.
WIFE: I'm gonna kill you. You are dead! Dead!
BILL: (into camera) Next time, ask yourself this: "Am I getting lucky, or have I just been Busted by Bill?"
(Cut back to lab)
HODGINS: Our victim is Bill O'Roarke.
(Cut to: Booth’s Car. Booth and Brennan are driving to FBI Headquarters.)
BOOTH: (into phone) Okay great, thanks. (to Brennan) O'Roarke and his wife live in Cherry Ridge. Old Bill must have been making a tidy sum.
BRENNAN: Well, he shouldn't have been rewarded. He was perpetuating a primitive and prurient morality by parading victims for the purpose of entertainment.
BOOTH: Well, you know what? You cheat on your spouse, you get what's coming to you.
BRENNAN: Anthropologically, 83 percent of societies are polygamous.
BOOTH: Now you sound French, okay? Look, being faithful is what separates us, you know, from the chimps.
BRENNAN: No, actually, it's a gene called HAR1F.
BOOTH: We're talking about the Ten Commandments here, Bones. "Thou shalt not commit adultery." One down from your personal favorite, "Thou shalt not kill."
BRENNAN: Oh, so you also believe that Moses wandered the desert for 40 days, climbed Mount Sinai, at which point a supernatural force carved a convenient list of behavioral guidelines on two pieces of rock?
BOOTH: Yeah. That's why it's on the Supreme Court.
BRENNAN: Fascinating.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. In Booth's office, Booth and Brennan are talking to Bill’s wife, Amanda.)
AMANDA: I was supposed to be home this weekend. Bill and my 20th anniversary is in five days.
BOOTH: Why weren't you here?
AMANDA: Our daughter is away at college in Raleigh. I try to spend as much time with her as I can. She adores her father. I mean, how am I going to tell her this? I told Bill not to do that stupid show.
BRENNAN: You were worried about him?
AMANDA: Bill was a serious journalist until he met Arthur. Arthur produces the show. And at first Bill said no, but the money was unbelievable. I was just always so worried about him.
BOOTH: Bill have any enemies?
AMANDA: Have you seen that show? There isn't a man he caught that wouldn't want him dead.
(Cut to: Stage 8 - Busted by Bill offices. Arthur Lang is walking with Booth & Brennan.)
ARTHUR: Amanda always resented the show,but it didn't stop her from spending the money Bill made. I'm telling you, if I thought this show had anything to do with Bill's death, I'd never forgive myself.
BOOTH: Well, you know, just getting us the footage that we need should be enough.
VERONICA: Well, Pete's pulling the cheaters the moment they were caught.
BOOTH: And you are?
VERONICA: I'm the producer, Veronica Landau.
BOOTH: Agent Booth. This here is, uh,Dr. Brennan.
PETE: Hey, is it true? Where they found him?
BRENNAN: Uh, upright and inverted in the refuse-filled pit of an outhouse? Yes.
VERONICA: Oh, God.
BOOTH: I'm sorry but it's very difficult to paint a pleasant picture of his demise right now. Look, who was the last person who saw Mr. O'Roarke alive?
ARTHUR: Me. 9:18, Friday night.
BRENNAN: That was specific.
ARTHUR: We had to shoot wraparounds. 9:20 would have put us into time-and-a-half, so I pulled the plug.
PETE: I was, uh... I was supposed to pick him up on Saturday morning for the promos we were shooting; knocked on the door, wasn't there.
VERONICA: Pete called me, and I called Arthur, we cancelled the shoot.
BRENNAN: No one was worried that he disappeared?
ARTHUR: Bill and I had a small disagreement Friday night. He wanted to go visit his kid at college, but we had a shoot scheduled. Promos.
BOOTH: Anyone else hear this argument?
ARTHUR: No. It was personal. We walked away from the crew.
PETER: Actually, it was, uh, it was pretty loud, Mr. Lang. Mr. O'Roarke threatened to quit.
ARTHUR: He was just blowing off steam. That's why I wasn't worried. Figured he'd just gone off with Amanda to see the kid.
BRENNAN: This is a popular show. It's probably worth millions of dollars, am I right?
ARTHUR: Why do you ask?
BOOTH: Well, money like that, you must insure your star for quite a bit.
ARTHUR: Of course, but I think you're taking this all wrong. See, Bill and I were best friends. We played tennis together all the time,we...
BRENNAN: If he quit, you'd lose everything.
BOOTH: And if he was found dead, you'd end up with a nice payout. Wouldn't you?
ARTHUR: Why don't you get Agent Booth everything he needs, Pete? I believe I should call my attorney.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are talking in Booth's office.)
BOOTH: Arthur Lang will only talk through his attorney, who says he was in Atlantic City all weekend playing Keno. We're checking out his story.
BRENNAN: He could've hired a hit man.
BOOTH: No, this was not a contract job, this was personal and violent. Okay, Sweets is on his way up with the show tapes to profile for a revenge killer.
BRENNAN: Okay, see you later.
(she heads out the door)
BOOTH: Whoa, Bones, wait a second. (he follows her) Where you going? I thought maybe we could, you know, help out Sweets.
BRENNAN: To a film.
BOOTH: Oh, this is much better than a movie. Hours of fascinating video. Hey, great stories for the deep-sea welder.
BRENNAN: No, actually, I'm going to the film with a botanist.
BOOTH: Oh, I get it. You dumped Mark. It's too bad, I kinda liked the guy.
BRENNAN: No, I didn't dump Mark, I'm seeing both of them.
BOOTH: At the same time?
BRENNAN: Mark and I have a physical connection. The botanist, while brilliant and fascinating, just...just doesn't appeal to me in that way.
BOOTH: Okay, so all that stuff you said about monogamy being unnatural, you're just making excuses.
BRENNAN: I do not make excuses. Only people who are ashamed make excuses.
BOOTH: Bones, two guys at the same time, it's not right. I mean, that's why they invented dueling.
(The elevator opens and Sweets steps out)
BRENNAN: How can you say...
SWEETS: Hey, you guys ready?
BRENNAN: I know what I'm doing, Booth.
(Brennan steps into the elevator but Booth puts his hand on the door to hold it open.)
BOOTH: My gut says you're going with your gut on this one, and we all know how that ends up. Not good.
SWEETS: Uh, is there something we need to discuss before getting to work?
BRENNAN: No, no. Just call me when you find something of value.
(Brennan pounds the buttons, pushes Booth's hand away and the doors close)
BOOTH: No, it's nothing. It's just, she's got a date.
SWEETS: Oh. And how do you feel about that?
BOOTH: It's not about me, okay? Let's go look at those videos.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab – Autopsy Room. Cam and Daisy are examining remains)
DAISY: Do you have any idea how good it smells in here?
CAM: It's Eau de Formaldehyde, glad you like it.
DAISY: There are hairline fractures at the base of the skull. Probably made when the photo was jammed down his throat. Dr. Hodgins could probably pull some particulates.
CAM: Very good.
DAISY: My boyfriend thinks it's weird that I love doing this. But I think it's weird that he loves the accordion.
CAM: I'm with you there.
DAISY: Dr. Brennan is my hero, always has been. I just, I hope she loves-she likes me. Well, bonjour. Ante-mortem fractures to the lumbar vertebrae. Maybe two weeks old.
CAM: Try to find what caused it.
DAISY: On it. It's just, Dr. Brennan and I are, like, the same, you know? We just, we understand that the dead don't talk back or want the window open when it's freezing out or pick at your plate or pee on the toilet seat...
CAM: You might want to keep a little mystery about yourself.
DAISY: Sure. But you're gonna put in a good word for me, right? I mean, wouldn't it be fun if I were here forever?
CAM: Yeah. (Cam goes back to looking at the remains) Brush abrasions. Can you hand me a swab?
(Angela enters)
ANGELA: I managed to get some usable pieces of that photo. Just fragments, but it's a start.
CAM: Okay.
ANGELA: I used an infrared camera and I excluded all the visible light. If I had to take a guess, I'd say the mystery couple were knocking boots.
CAM: I always love your clinical assessments.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Sweets is watching the video tapes.)
(on video)
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Sorry. I'm so sorry.
TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Sorry?!
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: But nothing was gonna happen.
TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Nothing was gonna happen?
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Nothing...
TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: You're in your under...
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Don't! Oh, God, please don't cry.
TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Don't cry? You're in your underwear.
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Don't cry.
TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: What do you want me to...
TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Nothing was gonna happen!
(Booth enters)
BOOTH: What'd I miss?
SWEETS: Six men crying, two insisting they'd gotten lost, and four saying they were trying to show the poor, young woman how dangerous the internet could be.
BOOTH: Wow, parade of saints, huh?
SWEETS: The murder was premeditated and filled with rage, not the act of someone apologetic or ashamed.
BOOTH: Did you find any rage?
SWEETS: Well, I know you don't have the benefit of years of psychological training, but, uh, check out one Jim Dodd.
(on video)
JIM: Come on, baby, I can't wait.
JIM'S WIFE: You bastard! You're never gonna see this child,ever! Do you hear me? Ever!
BILL: I'm Bill O'Roarke, and Jim Dodd, you've been Busted By Bill!
(Jim punches Bill)
JIM'S WIFE: Oh, God! Stop it! Stop! Stop!
JIM: I'll kill you!
JIM'S WIFE: Come on, stop!
(tape stopped)
BOOTH: Wow. Serious impulse control issues.
SWEETS: Very good, Agent Booth. I've marked a few other possible suspects that match the profile, but I think Dodd exhibits the right amount of rage and self-justifying vengeance.
BOOTH: So, Dodd's our guy. Let's go tell Bones, huh? Come on.
SWEETS: Well... uh, couldn't we just call?
BOOTH: No. Let's go.
(Cut to: Royal Diner. Brennan is sitting at a table with her date, Jason DeFry.)
BRENNAN: Open City might be Rossellini's best film.
JASON: Rossellini had nothing, no sets...
BRENNAN: 1945, the country had barely started rebuilding after the war.
JASON: Yes. Of course, I'm also a big fan of Meatballs, Bill Murray's paean to anarchy.
(Booth and Sweets enter and take a seat at the counter, facing their table)
BOOTH: Hey, Bones. (to Jason) Hi. I'm Special Agent Booth, her partner.
JASON: Hi.
SWEETS: I'm Dr. Lance Sweets. I'm their therapist.
JASON: Jason DeFry.
BOOTH: DeFry.
JASON: Do you follow them around all the time?
SWEETS: No. No, no,n o. I'm also a profiler. I help with the cases. (to Booth) Did you know that she was on a date?
BOOTH: Slipped my mind. (to Jason) Spiffy suit, man.
JASON: Thanks. Picked it up in Italy.
BOOTH: Little tight, huh?
JASON: It's the style.
BOOTH: You ever been married?
JASON: No.
BOOTH: Got a kid?
JASON: Never been married, remember?
BOOTH: I have a kid.
SWEETS: He's never been married.
BRENNAN: I should get to work, Jason. We've got a murderer to catch, you understand?
JASON: Of course, of course. You know, it's getting late anyway. Listen, I have Coldplay tickets for tomorrow night. Thought maybe we'd grab a bite first. Any interest?
BRENNAN: Absolutely. I might have to leave from work.
JASON: No problem. I'll meet you at your office at 6:00?
BRENNAN: I'll be there.
(He gives Brennan a double kiss on the cheeks)
JASON: Nice meeting you all.
BOOTH: Yeah.
(Jason leaves)
BOOTH: No wonder you two are platonic.
BRENNAN: What is that supposed to mean?
BOOTH: Well, look, I'm fine with it, Bones, really. I have zero problems with it, but... that guy is gay.
BRENNAN: He is not gay.
BOOTH: Please. Double cheek kiss, tight Italian suit...
SWEETS: Coldplay.
BOOTH: Never married...
SWEETS: Coldplay.
BRENNAN: Jason is as heterosexual as either of you.
BOOTH: Then how is it that he's okay with not having sex?
SWEETS: What?
BRENNAN: Uh, we share an intellectual bond. I don't have physical feelings for him. He understands that.
BOOTH: Not if he's straight. (to Sweets) Right? Am I right?
SWEETS: You are hot.
BRENNAN: You're here for a reason?
SWEETS: Um, we got something off the DVDs...
BOOTH: Mint tea, fruit tart...?!
BRENNAN: Okay, speak, Sweets, please.
SWEETS: Okay, okay. Um, most of the cheaters were essentially cowards, seeking alternate sexual experiences because they're too afraid to confront the problems in their own lives.
BRENNAN: Just because someone seeks an alternative sexual outlet doesn't mean that they're a coward.
BOOTH: She has issues.
BRENNAN: I do not have issues.
BOOTH: Case in point: Deep-sea welder and a botanist.
SWEETS: What, did they go into a bar?
BOOTH: Huh? What? No. Brennan's two boyfriends.
Oh. Right. Let me guess, that one's the botanist.
BOOTH: Yeah.
BRENNAN: So you have nothing.
BOOTH: Show her.
SWEETS: This is Jim Dodd.
(Sweets hands her a phone with the video playing)
BOOOTH: The photograph that you pulled out of O'Roarke's throat, turns out that Jim Dodd used to be a mall photographer at Tiny Tots Photography.
BOOTH: Motive and means.
BOOTH: Yeah, I mean, his landlord said he disappeared five days ago, no forwarding address.
BRENNAN: And you think he left because he was planning to kill Bill O'Roarke?
BOOTH: Yeah, it fits, okay? Landlord also said he has a drinking buddy by the name of Chris Gutman. We're looking for him. (Brennan gives him a look) What?
BRENNAN: This couldn't have waited till after I said good night to Jason?
BOOTH: I'm just looking out for you, all right? You don't have the, uh, best taste in men.
(Cut to: Royal Diner. The next morning. Booth and Brennan enter).
BRENNAN: So you're going to hire a stalker to find Dodd?
BOOTH: Perfect undercover move.
BRENNAN: So you think this is a good idea?
BOOTH: Of course I do, it's mine, okay? Gutman was lying through his teeth. There he is right over there. This way, we'll be able to find out what he really knows.
NOEL: Yo, namaste, guys
BRENNAN: Hi, Noel.
NOEL: Think they have mung beans? I'm on an ayurvedic cleanse.
BOOTH: What?
NOEL: I do mung beans till Sunday, then I start the enemas.
BOOTH: Listen, Noel, we'd like to harness you for your natural abilities.
NOEL: You want your chart done?
BOOTH: No. Stalking. You like to stalk people.
NOEL: Observe them.
(Noel starts to check out Brennan while Booth is holding up a picture)
BOOTH: Hey, Noel, eyes over here. Okay? Eyes on him, not her, him. Noel. Chris Gutman.
NOEL: So not my type.
BOOTH: It's not recreational. I want to find out where he goes,who he sees,who he talks to. Okay, listen, he hangs out with a guy by the name of Jim Dodd. Want me to write that down for you?
NOEL: No, I got it.
BOOTH: What's his name?
NOEL: Jim Dodd.
BOOTH: Right. Jim Dodd. I want details. I'll give you 50 bucks.
NOEL: 50 bucks?
BOOTH: Mm-hmm.
NOEL: Sure, but I got to be done by Sunday, because I got this...
BOOTH: Right, the enemas. Nomaste.
NOEL: Namaste.
(Brennan smiles at him and they leave)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.)
HODGINS: Everything you never wanted to drain from outhouse sludge. Two toy cars, three cell phones, a doorknob, a rubber casing, plastic Easter bunny head,and - drumroll...optional-one slightly used 40-caliber bullet.
CAM: Excellent. If Booth can find the murder weapon, we can match it.
DAISY: We may not have to wait that long. I took some initiative and checked out the lumbar fractures I found on O'Roarke; figured he'd have to be treated for them. He was treated at Providence Hospital. The police brought him in. The wife of a guy he busted rammed Bill with her grocery cart at Food King.
CAM: You did this without my approval? (she nods her head yes) And why shouldn't I toss you out of here right now?
DAISY: Dr. Brennan always says that in an intellectual pursuit, there are no limits.
CAM: Well, in fact there are. Produce section road rage is a long way from shooting a man dead.
DAISY: Not if you're a police officer who carries a gun the same caliber as the bullet you found in the poop pit.
(Daisy hands Cam a file folder)
CAM: (reads) Capitol Police Sergeant Francis Diamond.
DAISY: Doesn't it feel as if I've always been here?
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Meeting Room. Booth and Brennan are talking to Sergeant Francis Diamond.)
SGT. DIAMOND: I hate Bill O'Roarke. He tried to destroy my marriage. But I didn't kill him.
BOOTH: You don't think your husband cheating might have put a wrinkle in your relationship?
SGT. DIAMOND: What my husband did was not cheating.
BRENNAN: See, Booth, this is a woman enlightened enough not to expect a monogamous relationship.
SGT. DIAMOND: He'd never cheat on me.
BOOTH: Okay, then why did you turn your husband in to the Busted by Bill show?
SGT. DIAMOND: I didn't, it was my sister. She called up their tip line. Kept insisting that he was messing around, but it wasn't true.
BOOTH: Sergeant Diamond, we saw the video. Your husband met the young woman at the motel with flowers.
BRENNAN: And then took off his pants.
SGT. DIAMOND: He went there to warn her that it could be dangerous meeting someone online.
BRENNAN: Perhaps she's not so enlightened.
BOOTH: Okay, Ballistics is going to need to see the sidearm. Please. Now.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Brennan and Cam are walking into the Autopsy Room.)
CAM: I want to show you what I found lodged in Bill O'Roarke's lower intestine.
BRENNAN: I can't understand why Booth has an issue with me seeing two men.
CAM: Guys like to think they're the only ones who should sleep with more than one person.
They like to be in control. Doesn't take a lot to throw the little darlings off their game.
CAM: Oh, yeah, then you end up lying in bed holding them while they say, "I don't know what's wrong, this has never happened to me before."
BRENNAN: He should be happy that I've found a way to satisfy myself. It just happens to require two men.
ANGELA: I've done that. I miss college.
CAM: And the botanist, no biological imperative?
BRENNAN: He's flirted with the intent to become intimate, but Mark keeps me quite sated sexually.
ANGELA: You really got to learn some girl talk, sweetie.
CAM: Okay, look at that.
BRENNAN: How did a wire get lodged in his intestine?
CAM: Not sure yet. And the tox screen's even stranger. Tetrahydrozoline hydrochloride.
Eye drops?
CAM: And sildenafil citrate.
BRENNAN: Viagra.
ANGELA: Bloodshot eyes and wood in a pill. Party time.
(Daisy enters)
DAISY: Dr. Brennan, I'm Daisy Wick, your new grad assistant.
BRENNAN: I'd rather not learn your name until I've assessed your work.
DAISY: Oh, of course. I'm the same way. We're two of a kind. You're like a hero to me.
BRENNAN: Hero worship exposes a lack of independent intellectual examination. I'll tell Booth what we found.
(Brennan leaves)
DAISY: She's so smart.
ANGELA: Yeah.
(Cut to: DC Street. Booth and Brennan are walking to meet up with Noel)
BOOTH: So Sergeant Diamond's firearm wasn't a match. She wasn't even in town Friday and Monday. She was with her husband fixing her marriage at some tantric sex workshop.
BRENNAN: I've heard that if practiced correctly, tantric sexual techniques can extend orgasms by 4 to 500 percent.
BOOTH: Whoa, they actually teach that?
NOEL: Teach what?
BRENNAN: Extended orgasms through tantric yoga.
BOOTH: No, Bones, don't encourage this guy.
NOEL: It's a godly pursuit, man.
BOOTH: Noel? What do you have for us?
NOEL: I followed Gutman from that gas station where he works. Are you embarrassed to talk about...?
BOOTH: Noel...
NOEL: Right. Gutman went off shift at 7:00, beelined for the roach coach. Dude actually ate a hot dog. You have any idea how many toxins are in your average hot dog?
BRENNAN: Yes, I do.
BOOTH: Jim Dodd, Noel.
NOEL: He caught the M Street bus.
BOOTH: Noel?
NOEL: Sat next to a girl wearing a Led Zeppelin tour T-shirt. Not a real one. One of those fakes where Jimmy Page has a Stratocaster instead of a Gibson.
BOOTH: Where did he go?
NOEL: To a church: St. Xavier's. Goes down to the basement where they store all these awesome Christmas decorations. The Jesus is like...you could sit down and share a doobie with Him, you know?
BOOTH: I really hope this has something to do with Jim Dodd.
NOEL: Not only did he meet up with Dodd, he sat next to him for two hours.
BRENNAN: : With the life-sized Jesus?
NOEL: No, man! They were in divorce support group. They're breakup buddies.
BOOTH: Oh, well, getting busted by O'Roarke must've ended Jim Dodd's marriage. Would you say that these divorce support groups were angry?
NOEL: No way. The guys are all sad and weepy. The dumped chicks eat it up. The Dodd dude, he's hooking up with at least two of them, which is probably why he goes there every day. Which I know... 'cause I photocopied the sign-in sheet.
BOOTH: Right, that's great.
NOEL: So how'd I do? Huh?
BOOTH: Oh, right. You did great. Here you go, pal. (he hands him a $50) Get all the mung beans and the enemas you want. Boy, here you go. See ya.
(Cut to: FBI Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are interrogating Jim Dodd)
JIM: The loan shark's got me down for five G's plus the vig, so I told Gutman to keep his mouth shut if anybody asked about me. How was I supposed to know it was gonna be the FBI?
BOOTH: So, why'd you do a runner last week?
JIM: I owe two grand back rent, child support, alimony, plus the loan shark-- I mean, wouldn't you run?
BOOTH: And all this hard luck is because of Bill O'Roarke, right?
JIM: What? No. No,it had nothing to do with that.
BOOTH: Where were you Friday and Saturday?
JIM: I didn't kill him. I swear.
BOOTH: Where were you?
JIM: I drove to Jersey to borrow money from my mom. She pawned her engagement ring because the loan shark was gonna rip my ears off. Pathetic.
BOOTH: Mother's contact information. (he writes it down) Pathetic.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab – Angela's Office. Cam, Sweets and Hodgins enter.)
ANGELA: Hey. So...it takes over two hours for this computer to render each new image, but this last pass gave us a little more detail in that photograph.
(She shows them the more enhanced photo)
HODGINS: What is that on her back?
CAM: A tattoo?
ANGELA: It's a tramp stamp of some kind.
SWEETS: Cool. Useful, I hope.
ANGELA: Anyway, I was starting to enhance the resolution when Sweets brought me the videos.
SWEETSL O'Roarke was talking to his producer. Appeared upset, but the sound was distorted and barely audible.
(Angela puts on the video)
BILL: They were Busted By Bill. I'm Bill O'Roarke.
VERONICA: Okay, let's get a tail slate.
BILL: Arthur, a moment... now.
ARTHUR: What's up, Billy?
(followed by inaudible sounds – cuts back to Angela)
ANGELA: Okay, I sampled Bill's voice and I removed all the extraneous noise.
(She puts the re-sampled video back on)
BILL: Arthur, a moment... now.
ARTHUR: What's up, Billy?
BILL: This thing with Veronica, it's over. I can't work with her anymore.
ARTHUR: Oh, just kiss and make up.
BILL: No, I want her gone. I'm serious.
(Angela pauses the video)
HODGINS: Sounds like Viagra-popping Billy might have gotten himself a bit too involved with someone at work.
CAM: So that could be Veronica in the picture.
SWEETS: Fits the profile: jilted and vengeful.
(Angela unpauses the video)
VERONICA: That's a wrap.
(Cut to: Busted by Bill studios.)
BOOTH: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt.
AMANDA: I'm just packing up some things for our daughter. I, uh, I don't know if she wants them, but maybe someday.
BOOTH: If you don't mind, Mrs. O'Roarke, we'd like a word with Veronica.
AMANDA: Sure. Excuse me.
VERONICA: Is there a problem?
BRENNAN: Did Mr. O'Roarke ask Arthur Lang to fire you?
VERONICA: I'm still working here, aren't I?
BRENNAN: Because O'Roarke is dead.
BOOTH: See, I'm thinking that you got fired, then you got angry, which led to revenge.
VERONICA: Is he serious?
BRENNAN: Why would O'Roarke want you fired?
VERONICA: I sold a new show. On my own. Bill accused me of stealing the idea from him.
BOOTH: Did you?
VERONICA: No. I didn't. I knew he'd be mad when he found out,but the idea was mine.
BOOTH: And now that he's dead, we're just going to have to believe you,right?
VERONICA: I worked with Bill every day for two years. We were incredibly close. We would've made up.
BOOTH: How close?
BOOTH: What is that supposed to mean?
BRENNAN: I believe Agent Booth is asking if you had sexual intercourse with O'Roarke. But I agree, he could have phrased the question more clearly.
VERONICA: No. I was not sleeping with Bill.
BRENNAN: Do you have a tattoo on the small of your back?
(She turns around, lifts up her shirt and shows that she doesn't)
VERONICA: If there are no more questions, I would like to help Amanda with Bill's things. Excuse me.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab – Forensics Platform.)
HODGINS: I'm done with the culture you swabbed from the wound on the victim's thigh.
CAM: What'd you get?
HODGINS: A trace of enameled iron, a fleck of silver plating. Maybe from a knife?
CAM: Don't think so. The wound's too jagged and I found amylase activity.
HODGINS: So he had saliva and iron in a wound on his thigh?
CAM: And I found candidiasis in the saliva.
HODGINS: Okay, so somebody with a thrush infection scratched him with something metal, and then licked him?
CAM: You're getting warm. Look. (she brings up an image on the computer) Come on, you can do it. Distance between peaks is irregular and about two inches apart.
HODGINS: Hmm... wavy thigh scratch.
CAM: Oral thrush. Wiggle your tongue side to side.
HODGINS: You serious?
CAM: Oh, yeah.
HODGINS: Infected tongue piercing.
(Cut to video)
HOLLY: You want to see it?
GUY: Mm-hmm.
(Holly sticks out her tongue and shows her tongue ring)
(end video)
HODGINS: Silver-plated iron.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Holly Markwell.)
BOOTH: Come on, Holly, was it something that Bill did to you? I mean, he was older than you, huh? Probably took advantage of you?
HOLLY: No. No, Bill was a good man.
BOOTH: You two were sleeping together, weren't you?
HOLLY: I don't have to answer questions like that. I know my rights.
BRENNAN: Your stud, please?
HOLLY: You're kidding.
BRENNAN: You really should consider some nystatin for that infection, by the way. We found saliva in the laceration on your boss' thigh. And we can prove that it's yours. Your stud.
HOLLY: Forget it. No way.
BOOTH: Well, we have a court order. We know our rights, too, so... Your stud, please. (she takes it out and hands it to Brennan.) That wasn't too hard. You're sure you don't want to talk to us?
HOLLY: It is not what you think.
BOOTH: What do I think?
HOLLY: We loved each other. I didn't kill him. Why would I kill a man that I loved?
BRENNAN: Is that how you got the job, sleeping with O'Roarke?
HOLLY: No!
No, it was...It was Pete, the camera guy. Okay, Pete and I met at a club one night and we went out for a while. Anyway,we still have a place together. And Pete knew that I wanted to get into TV, so he got me a job as a production assistant, and, um... Bill just kind of took me under his wing.
BOOTH: Yeah, I'd say so. Didn't bother you that he was married?
BRENNAN: Perhaps he wasn't fully satisfied in a long-term relationship.
BOOTH: Bones...
BRENNAN: What? It's understandable. Needs change. (to Holly) When did you last have intercourse?
HOLLY: Is she for real?
BOOTH: I'm sorry. We have to ask these kind of questions in a murder investigation.
BRENNAN: Intercourse?
HOLLY: Friday night.
BRENNAN: Just before he disappeared.
BOOTH: What happened, Holly? You were lying there in his arms. You tell him you're tired of his wife getting all the money...
HOLLY: No, I never cared about the money.
BOOTH: So... you tell him that he should leave her, but he says he's got a life with her, he's got a daughter, and right there, you snap, you realize you've been used. So you show him a picture of the two of you.
HOLLY: Oh, my God.
BOOTH: You cram this down his throat. Then you shoot him.
BRENNAN: Do you have any body modifications other than the (she points to her tongue) piercing, Ms. Markwell?
HOLLY: What, like fake boobs?
BRENNAN: No, like tattoos.
HOLLY: I have to, right?
BOOTH: Afraid so.
HOLLY: You know, I loved Bill. I didn't kill him.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Angela's Office.)
ANGELA: And there you have it. You are busted, Billy.
BRENNAN: Holly admits it's her in the picture but insists she didn't kill him.
SWEETS: Well, if denial is severe enough, she might actually believe that.
HODGINS: I know what was used to cram the picture down his throat.
DAISY: Because of what I found. Hi, Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: I don't fraternize at work.
HODGINS: Daisy found the fractures on the sagittal suture, which contained some particulates.
DAISY: Told you.
HODGINS: They are chlorinated polyethylene. It's the rubber used on the tail of a microphone. The copper wire we found in his intestine was from inside that rubber cap.
CAM: Putrescent gases forced the wire into the esophagus, and the buoyancy of the outhouse sewage caused it to migrate up the digestive tract to the intestine.
ANGELA: Well, Holly had access to the microphone.
CAM: She's small. Do you think she could have upended a 180-pound man and placed him in a poop pit?
BRENNAN: You're her size. Pick up Dr. Sweets and turn him upside down.
DAISY: What?
SWEETS: That's not going to happen.
DAISY: I have to.
(She charges towards Sweets but he stops her with a hand on her head)
SWEETSL Oh,no,no, no,no,you don't, you don't, you don't, it's fine.
HODGINS: Nice.
CAM: So it's probably not Holly. Anyone else have access to the equipment?
ANGELA: The print was e-mailed to somebody.
DAISY: The murderer was surprised and enraged by that image. I minored in psychology.
SWEETS: Really?
DAISY: Yeah.
BRENNAN: Well, Holly wouldn't be surprised. She knew she slept with Bill.
SWEETS: Right, but someone who was sleeping with either O'Roarke or Holly might have seen this. The image triggered the killer's rage. There was only one way to avenge that violation. The killer had to make sure that this image died with O'Roarke.
DAISY: That's brilliant.
BRENNAN: I know who did it.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Booth and Brennan are coming out of her office.)
BOOTH: So, you sure? (Booth hits his arm on the way out) Ow.
BRENNAN: Yeah, it's the only person who makes sense. Mark, wha-what are you doing here?
MARK: Well, you told me to pick you up. With dinner?
BRENNAN: I... am so sorry. I... there's been an emergency.
MARK: Okay, do you want me to reschedule, or...?
JASON: Temperance.
BRENNAN: Jason! What are you doing here?
JASON: We're going to Coldplay, remember?
BOOTH: You remember Coldplay.
MARK: Coldplay?
BRENNAN: Sorry, I've been distracted by the case.
MARK: Why don't we ever go to a concert? As a matter of fact, why don't we ever leave your bedroom?
BRENNAN: Um, can we talk about this later? We're about to arrest...
JASON: You're dating this guy?
BRENNAN: I -I don't like that term. It has an antiquated moral and needlessly restrictive connotation.
MARK: (to Jason) And who are you?
JASON: Obviously, a guy who is not doing as well as you.
BRENNAN: This is Jason. (to Jason) Jason, Mark. (to Mark) Mark, Jason. (to Jason) Please understand, Jason, you're very good-looking, but sexual attraction is an involuntary hormonal response involving an increase in neutrophins and testosterone.
MARK: (to Jason) So you get to go out?
BRENNAN: Mark, you are a strong and attentive man, but Jason is more stimulating, intellectually.
JASON: That's not the only way I could be stimulating.
BOOTH: Um, Murderer?
BRENNAN: Murderer, yes.
MARK: What do you do with this one, Temperance?
BRENNAN: Oh... this-uh, Booth is my partner, that's all.
BOOTH: We should go.
BRENNAN: Yes, okay. All right. Oh, Jason, we can talk at the concert. I'll meet you out front by 8:00, and Mark, we can talk later at my apartment.
BOOTH: Oh, yeah. See ya, boys. Thanks. (he grabs a soda) I'll grab one of those.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters – Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Pete.)
PETE: Thi-This is crazy. Why would I kill him? I mean, B-Bill and I were like family.
BRENNAN: Because he was sleeping with your girlfriend. Although not only did you lose your girlfriend, you lost your job. It was not a good choice.
PETE: (to Booth) What is she talking about? What, no, Holly and I are-we're just roommates.
BOOTH: Yeah, but you used to be a couple and you were in love with her. And you felt that Bill ruined it for you...
PETE: No, no.
BRENNAN: You said that O'Roarke wasn't home when you went to pick him up Saturday morning, but that's not true.
BOOTH: Yeah, you brought him his usual cup of coffee, but this time you put in something a little special.
BRENNAN: Tetrahydrozoline hydrochloride.
BOOTH: That, right there, is squint talk for eyedrops. Old bartender's trick, guaranteed to give Bill the runs.
PETE: You guys don't know what you're talking about.
BOOTH: Really?
(He shows Pete the picture)
PETE: Where did you get that?
BOOTH: What'd you do, Pete-set up your own camera, shoot your own show so you could bust Bill?
PETE: I just lost it. Look, I'm a nice guy. I am. You can ask anybody. I just lost it.
(Cut to FBI Headquarters. Sweets Office – Brennan and Booth enter.)
SWEETS: Hey. Come on in. You look nice, Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: Oh, thank you, uh... I was supposed to go to a...gallery opening tonight.
BOOTH: What, did Jason get a new tight suit?
BRENNAN: With Mark.
SWEETS: Yeah, the two amigos.
BOOTH: I thought he was more of your, uh, "stay at home" kind of a guy.
BRENNAN: I was visiting the possibility that I might enjoy him in a strictly conversational setting.
BOOTH: And?
BRENNAN: Since the murder, I'm considering the argument for monogamy.
BOOTH: Write that one down, Sweets. I have a positive influence on her.
BRENNAN: No, you don't.
BOOTH: Yes, I do.
BRENNAN: Mark broke up with me.
BOOTH: Oh. Sorry. Well, what about "gay Jason"?
BRENNAN: Him, too. I guess they weren't as accepting of each other as I thought, so...
SWEETS: Is it typical for you two to discuss your love lives?
BOOTH: Well, I mean, only when she has naked men in her apartment.
BRENNAN: No, that's not true. I'm very open about my relationships, as opposed to you.
BOOTH: Okay, what's that supposed to mean?
BRENNAN: You're very secretive. As if discussing your sex life would somehow be offensive to me. I assume you are sexually active.
BOOTH: I do fine.
SWEETS: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?
BRENNAN: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.
BOOTH: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.
BRENNAN: All relationships are temporary.
BOOTH: No, that's not true, Bones. You're wrong. Okay, there is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all.
(They stare at each other for a minute. Sweets watches, amused.)
BOOTH: Come on, I'll buy you dinner. Hey, I can be fun in a strictly conversational setting.
SWEETS: See? Surrogate relationship.
BOOTH: Surrogate nothing. Okay? It's a meal. With drinks. Just strictly conversational.
SWEETS: I can come, too.
BRENNAN: Actually, our partnership does make it difficult to form other bonds-- no offense.
SWEETS: Our session isn't over yet.
BOOTH; How about Chinese?
SWEETS: I love Chinese. Love it.
BRENNAN: I feel more like Thai.
BOOTH: Thai? I got coupons to Hop Li.
BRENNAN: What, you're gonna take me out for a discount meal?
BOOTH: What? There's two for one, and then they throw in some...
(Sweets sits on the couch and picks up his phone and dials.)
SWEETS: Hi. Is this Daisy Wick? Hey, this is Lance. (pause) The shrink? Yeah. Listen, sorry you got fired. Nothing. What are you doing? The accordian? No, no , no. I play a little bass...
FADE OUT.
END.
